Hi hi~ I'm back. Not that I was ever gone, haha, but I have been busy with school work. My friend is thinking about holding a Disney marathon...does this post's title sound familiar? Yeahh, Mulan = my favorite Disney princess!! Chinese pride!! (lol sorry kind of off topic but will be elaborated later on).

Talking about school work...this week in English we watched this one video on what constitutes "being black" in America...and boy was my head seriously messed up. It brought up the issue many mixed people have living in America especially when we have to fill out forms or deal with the labels people put on us judged on how we look. The reason I use the word "we" is because I'm also mixed! Most people don't really notice at first, but it's true! I reflected (see what I did there?lol  ;DD) on the video after watching it and noticed how many people in it defined themselves by one word. As for me...to label myself...I can't. When the question about my race is brought up and people as me "What are you?", I always answer by saying I'm 1/2 African and 1/2 Chinese, occasionally throwing in that I was also born in Canada. You can kind of see why my head was in jumbles after watching the video because...

I'm pretty messed up, haha, but I'm proud of both sides of me.

Filling out forms is actually not really that much of a problem for me...but I feel that there is no choice that accurately defines "who I am". Nope, not even the "other" option. I used to check "other" in my elementary days, but that option almost makes me feel like I'm an alien...like I'm different from others or something. I'm neither White nor Black nor Caucasian nor Hispanic...I'm half Chinese and half African and I'll always be. Whether I look more black or look more chinese isn't something I've ever worried about. Back when I lived in China I definitely stood out among the people of China (lol, aka the chinese--I don't know why I'm acting so formal) and so they automatically defined me as a foreigner. I NEVER SEEM TO FIT IN!! Srry for the random caps but it is to express my insecurity I had at all times in China because people kept staring at me. There have even been several instances where people have literally come up to me and asked to get a picture with me. I...honestly don't know what to say about that. Let's just say I felt extremely awkward and kind of like a freak. Around my cousins from my dad's side (african)...I don't feel odd or out of place necessarily because no one there stares at me weirdly, but rather I feel kind of out of place because our conversations just don't mesh. Me: ANIME ANIME ANIME ANIME ANIME. Them: WRESTLING BASKETBALL WRESTLING BASKETBALL. Yeah, it's like having two different conversations at once. A big part of it is our genders (for sure) and I'm sure that a few of them do share my love of anime, but I'd just feel weird talking about it just because I never usually like discussing anime with guys. It always gets off tangent and weird stuff happens.

So, what am I trying to say? Well, I don't like to have labels put on me by others, and I, myself, don't actually fully understand who I am either. I guess I'm trying to make clear that I may not completely know who I am, but the things that other people say about me shouldn't put me down or make me feel insecure. Growing up is a path of self-discovery, and on this road you begin to truly understand who you are.

Don't let others tell you who you are, and you don't decide who you are. You were created a certain way, so embrace it.

"Who is that girl I see...staring straight, back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?"

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